An Epiphany of Sorts

While rehearsing what I would say to my own doctor this morning I had a kind of accidental epiphany. I had recently had to go to the Emergency Room due to a sudden painful symptom. I first called my doctor and she confirmed that my symptom (a) was not treatable at her clinic and (b) therefore I should go to the ER at the hospital where my doctor has her residency.

This turned out to require two visits to the ER and a visit with a specialist afterward. The problem was, I am on limited income (social security and a small retirement fund ). Also, the hospital is 5 miles away and I have no car so I must use either public transportation or a rental or jitney service like Lyft or Uber. I opted first for reserving a Zipcar which I thought to be the best option available — or so I thought as I sat pondering the matter in pain. The Zipcar bill for the multi-hour reservation: over $100. On the second visit I decided I’d better try Lyft which was even more flexible and much less costly: (round trip for the second ER visit cost about $60). The visit to the specialist 3 days later also cost another $60. The medical bills after payment by Medicare added nearly $400. My budget took a severe hit.

Even worse, the “treatment” I received at the ER actually increased my pain and brought about internal bleeding! I was ticked off because of the relative coldness of the ER staff who seemed unaware that I was in serious pain and kept me waiting alone (after I was admitted) another 45 minutes. And I discovered on my own that the catheter and collection bag were both applied incorrectly! Before I went to the specialist I was instructed to remove the catheter myself and had good instructions on how to do that. It was when I removed the catheter that I experienced immediate partial pain relief. (I spent the first six days taking Vicodin I’d saved from previous dental treatments without reducing the pain to tolerable levels.) It was the specialist who told me the catheter had been placed improperly.

So when the hospital sent me a “patient evaluation” I responded civilly, expressing my anger at the lack of personal contact and care I’d experienced at the ER. I haven’t heard back on that yet so I’m still simmering a bit over this. But I am absolutely sure they will respond and that they do really care about their patients who come to them for help. I found myself thinking this morning that I might as well have chosen to become wealthy via any means possible — including becoming a criminal to become wealthy enough to buy high quality medical care.

That, fortunately, is when all the red flags popped up in my mind. Wait a damned minute, I told myself, that should never even enter your mind. But it did enter my mind at least for the time it took to pour myself a cup of coffee and give myself time to quell my outrage. It was then a kind of epiphany hit me: What if this was the usual experience for all Americans? What if all we had was an uncaring medical community? Wouldn’t there be a lot more people thinking of ways to be able to afford the very best attention and care any way possible?

The core realization here is that I was really worked up over the lack of recognition that I am a human being. Would the highly trained medical personnel treat members of their own family this way? No they would not and those family members would also not be thinking of the alternative of becoming criminals, would they? Most physicians and nurses don’t consciously set up a system built to ignore their patients.

I keep repeating in my mind what it was like to be laying on an examination table alone for 45 minutes. “Why didn’t they come in and help me?” was the thought that kept running through my head. It was that sense of helplessness combined with the sure knowledge I was being ignored that fueled my anger. All of that was temporary thanks to the goodness of our medical system. Corrections will be made.

But whoa! The real epiphany is that not only am I not alone in having such an experience (variations of the theme of helplessness and being ignored) there are literally billions of people in the same condition only worse. It’s endemic in most countries. And it’s especially endemic and pervasive in countries like Russia and China with they have a history of people living under autocratic rulers. Be it a Czar or a Committee. It’s them or me, goes the reasoning. People in those countries are literally compelled to think this way and to adopt a permanent pessimism about life.

Finally, it seems to me now that is exactly what the people of Russia and China are experiencing every day of their lives. Obviously the governments of Russia and China are chronically inhuman and people in those countries actually expect things to continue that way indefinitely.

The demonstrable proof of this is in the person of Vladimir Putin. Everyone by now has heard his back story. As an official of the Soviet Era KGB foreign intelligence officer for 16 years, Putin, then aged about 38, had learned through and through that any personal ambition to lead a normal life depended entirely on working the Soviet and post Soviet systems brutally and remorselessly. When brutality and inhumanity becomes the only path to personal security and success, you get people like Vladimir Putin. And yes, here is where personal rage comes fully into play.

So what can be a minor incident of being ignored here can become one where people in need in Russia and China becomes a system which breeds the creation of real monsters. We don’t yet know how it’s possible to keep guns out of the hands of hopeless thirteen year-olds or nuclear weapons out of the hands of so-called “national leaders” who also believe there is no alternative but to have the power of life and death over others. Possibly the death of the whole world.

If Putin indeed believes he’s acquired the power of the cornered rat over a fearful human population, he then believes he can use both intimidation and his ability to actually kill to keep himself above the reach of ordinary people. Only he’s wrong. What Putin has really provoked is the united conspiracy to bring him down.

We are part of that united conspiracy to bring down a living monster. We are the civilized ones here. We see what he’s doing to innocents and our collective wrath is completely justified. We are rightly skeptical of his false claims to patriotism but just as rightly optimistic about our collective ability to put an end to one inhuman individual. Let this be the time when we demonstrate our faith in our ability to oppose and end any evil.While rehearsing what I would say to my own doctor this morning I had a kind of accidental epiphany. I had recently had to go to the Emergency Room due to a sudden painful symptom. I first called my doctor and she confirmed that my symptom (a) was not treatable at her clinic and (b) therefore I should go to the ER at the hospital where my doctor has her residency.

This turned out to require two visits to the ER and a visit with a specialist afterward. The problem was, I am on limited income (social security and a small retirement fund ). Also, the hospital is 5 miles away and I have no car so I must use either public transportation or a rental or jitney service like Lyft or Uber. I opted first for reserving a Zipcar which I thought to be the best option available — or so I thought as I sat pondering the matter in pain. The Zipcar bill for the multi-hour reservation: over $100. On the second visit I decided I’d better try Lyft which was even more flexible and much less costly: (round trip for the second ER visit cost about $60). The visit to the specialist 3 days later also cost another $60. The medical bills after payment by Medicare added nearly $400. My budget took a severe hit.

Even worse, the “treatment” I received at the ER actually increased my pain and brought about internal bleeding! I was ticked off because of the relative coldness of the ER staff who seemed unaware that I was in serious pain and kept me waiting alone (after I was admitted) another 45 minutes. And I discovered on my own that the catheter and collection bag were both applied incorrectly! Before I went to the specialist I was instructed to remove the catheter myself and had good instructions on how to do that. It was when I removed the catheter that I experienced immediate partial pain relief. (I spent the first six days taking Vicodin I’d saved from previous dental treatments without reducing the pain to tolerable levels.) It was the specialist who told me the catheter had been placed improperly.

So when the hospital sent me a “patient evaluation” I responded civilly, expressing my anger at the lack of personal contact and care I’d experienced at the ER. I haven’t heard back on that yet so I’m still simmering a bit over this. But I am absolutely sure they will respond and that they do really care about their patients who come to them for help. I found myself thinking this morning that I might as well have chosen to become wealthy via any means possible — including becoming a criminal to become wealthy enough to buy high quality medical care.

That, fortunately, is when all the red flags popped up in my mind. Wait a damned minute, I told myself, that should never even enter your mind. But it did enter my mind at least for the time it took to pour myself a cup of coffee and give myself time to quell my outrage. It was then a kind of epiphany hit me: What if this was the usual experience for all Americans? What if all we had was an uncaring medical community? Wouldn’t there be a lot more people thinking of ways to be able to afford the very best attention and care any way possible?

The core realization here is that I was really worked up over the lack of recognition that I am a human being. Would the highly trained medical personnel treat members of their own family this way? No they would not and those family members would also not be thinking of the alternative of becoming criminals, would they? Most physicians and nurses don’t consciously set up a system built to ignore their patients.

I keep repeating in my mind what it was like to be laying on an examination table alone for 45 minutes. “Why didn’t they come in and help me?” was the thought that kept running through my head. It was that sense of helplessness combined with the sure knowledge I was being ignored that fueled my anger. All of that was temporary thanks to the goodness of our medical system. Corrections will be made.

But whoa! The real epiphany is that not only am I not alone in having such an experience (variations of the theme of helplessness and being ignored) there are literally billions of people in the same condition only worse. It’s endemic in most countries. And it’s especially endemic and pervasive in countries like Russia and China with they have a history of people living under autocratic rulers. Be it a Czar or a Committee. It’s them or me, goes the reasoning. People in those countries are literally compelled to think this way and to adopt a permanent pessimism about life.

Finally, it seems to me now that is exactly what the people of Russia and China are experiencing every day of their lives. Obviously the governments of Russia and China are chronically inhuman and people in those countries actually expect things to continue that way indefinitely.

The demonstrable proof of this is in the person of Vladimir Putin. Everyone by now has heard his back story. As an official of the Soviet Era KGB foreign intelligence office for 16 years, Putin, then aged about 38, had learned through and through that any personal ambition to lead a normal life depended entirely on working the Soviet and post Soviet systems brutally and remorselessly. When brutality and inhumanity becomes the only path to personal security and success, you get people like Vladimir Putin. And yes, here is where personal rage comes fully into play.

So what can be a minor incident of being ignored here can become one where people in need in Russia and China becomes a system which breeds the creation of real monsters. We don’t yet know how it’s possible to keep guns out of the hands of hopeless thirteen year-olds or nuclear weapons out of the hands of so-called “national leaders” who also believe there is no alternative but to have the power of life and death over others. Possibly the death of the whole world.

If Putin indeed believes he’s acquired the power of the cornered rat over a fearful human population, he then believes he can use both intimidation and his ability to actually kill to keep himself above the reach of ordinary people. Only he’s wrong. What Putin has really provoked is the united conspiracy to bring him down.

We are part of that united conspiracy to bring down a living monster. We are the civilized ones here. We see what he’s doing to innocents and our collective wrath is completely justified. We are rightly skeptical of his false claims to patriotism but just as rightly optimistic about our collective ability to put an end to one inhuman individual. Let this be the time when we demonstrate our faith in our ability to oppose and end any evil.